Seeds of Doubt

Yesterday was our 1st year Anniversary. Although we have been together since 1996, This week was special in it's own unique way.

You see for the last nine years I have never been overly jealous or possessive of my husband.
I have always been secure in our relationship. So much so, in fact, that perhaps from time to time he questioned my affection for him. Although he works away from home alot, I never worried.

The other day I talked to a friend that works up north with my husband. They informed me of a overly friendly but nice looking lady that works in his office.

Well a seed of doubt was planted, and for two nights I tossed and turned unable to rest. My mind a running film of long blond hair, big smiles and tight jeans walking back and forth in front of his desk. I couldn't take it, it was eating up at my very core, and I found myself feeling like a threated lioness. All the sudden I was up nights going through reciepts, unknown phone numbers and smelling his clothes.

Tired of the exhausting investigative work, I finally asked him about her. He chuckled to himself, and at me for being so silly and for even doubting him. He filled in some blanks and reassured me he wasn't shopping as his fridge at home was fullfilling and full. (the kids and myself)

With that he rolled over and gave me a big hug and kiss.

After all this I came to realize something, how lucky I was. And more importantly how much I love and appreciate him. Quietly I know my being jealous was silly. But I needed this to remind me of the value of our relationship, and he needed to know just how much I cared.

And So For Our !st Anniverary I think I'll send the lady in his office a card. Ironically, she reminded us of the value of each other. Something we often forget to do.

Can't Touch This

Today it is Hot.


Too hot for cuddles,
Too hot for snuggles,
but honey spray me with the water hose,
dunk me in the creek,
but whatever you do don't hug me in this heat.

What it Takes.

Today I recieved two phone calls, from two different people whom both had a similiar tug at their heart strings. The one caller did not even say hello but spilled into a heartfelt poem of loss and mourning. The poem evoked such emotion that my eyes fogged up with tears, and tugged at my core. So, when I was informed it was a poem I had written some 13 years ago, I was in shock.
I truly had not remembered the poem, but stongly remembered the dear friend I had lost, for whom it was written. After hearing the poem a few times it slowly started coming back, but then so did a realization.
I love to write, but that doesn't make it great. Sometimes it very difficult. This poem was very special though, and now I know what made it so. Love. People have asked me, what my writing style is? I never knew what it was. Today, I know. I cannot write well, writing about myself. I write about others, for my love and appreciation of them. People give me the gift of writing, and writing well............people.

Really

"Daughter," I ask, "What did you eat this morning?"

"Chocolate bars," says Daughter

"How many?" I ask.

"Just two, honestly Mom." say daughter.

"You know Daughter, too much sugar can be very dangerous. It can make you really sick.
Just like Grandpa, he has diabetes so he has to avoid sugar as it makes him sick." I state.

"He's allergic to sugar right, Mom," says Daughter.

"Yes, sorta," I say.

With a very concerned look, daughter says,"So because I eat all that sugar, Grandpa might be allergic to me, and I won't be able to play with him?"

"Lets go through this again, shall we," I say chuckling.

The Window

Looking out... I see
a buzzing bee,
A lilac in full bloom,
and the grass as green can bee.

Looking out...she sees
barren land,
a life of hunger,
tears of struggle,
and hears the army tanks like thunder.

Looking out...he sees,
glass towers
roof tops,
smoke stacks
and the streets filled with pressed slacks.

A window into the world is not always a pretty sight.

I'll Phone You

Nothing worse than the phone ringing first thing in the morning. No time for coffee, a stretch, or a pee, just a ring, ring in your ear. Lovely.

Now being a stay- at- home Mother causes me to run, run all day long, so after eight in the evening with the children are in bed, I finally get a chance to relax on the couch.

Ring, Ring, once again, if it's not a child crying for water it is a ring, ring in you ear.

A have an answering machine, it works fine and often nobody leaves a message.

Last week, I got hounded because I'm never home and don't answer my phone. Well, to be blunt, I should not answer the phone 24-7. Unless you need a good blast of "Leave me the Hell Alone, I'm feeling anti social."

So there it is. So leave a message and I'll call you back. And yes, sometimes I just ain't home.

On the Menu this week.

This week I was served a bowl of human suffering.

Small bowl, just enough for my mind to carry me to the deep depths of dispair. I watched a movie, "The Notebook." I cried, and thought about life and cried somemore. Now I'd still be crying if it weren't for the reality interuptions of cooking dinner and doing dishes.

Life is not always romantic, entertaining, or funny. It's not always warm, fuzzy and comfortable. Most of the time it's just blah...sometimes down right cruel.

So untill I finish my bowl of suffering, I have nothing uplifting to say. Except maybe next week I'll order a cup full of tickles.