Between The Teeth

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

The Truth about Obsessions

In our world today, mental illness needs medication, it is said to be unhealthy, and needs to be corrected. But is that in fact true, perhaps our mental oddities give us purpose and direction with growth.
It is the minds ability to expand, create, and dominant thoughts that I find most amazing. It is in our own behavior and our own minds that pushes and encourages us to move forward.
I myself, have obsessive compulsive characteristics, sometimes minor, sometimes full blowen, depending on my obsessions.
When I was a child, I was obsessed with keeping my toys and things unused. I would recieve gifts, leave them in their packages, only to play with them on special days. I didn't want to share, or have things lost or broken. My room was orderly and all things kept in a special spot. If by chance something went amiss or was messed with I would be devastated. Though in time I learned to deal with it.
Over the years as I became a teenager this obsession turned into one about weight. As I lost some weight one summer over an illness, I soon became obsessive about weight loss. I would count every calorie, exercise religiously, and avoid public displays of eating.
Yes, I became thin, and very ill, soon the doctor and present boyfriend helped put me into the right perspective and I slowly got better.
Now, becoming a young adult gave me job and a pay check. Soon work became me, the paycheck a validation of whom I was. During one summer I had three jobs, no free time and very little joy. Coming home from work one day I burst into tears as my life was passing me by as all I did was work, eat and sleep. I slowed down and brought home a one way ticket else where.
Living in another province where english was not the first language gave me a different type of obsession, although at many times broke, frustrated and alone. I was determined to exist there.
To find work, to make friends and to learn the lanaguage. I did all of those things but situation took hold and after five months I returned home.
These are only a few examples of my life, and how my mental illness (as some would call it) has directed me, and taught me valuable lessons in life.
Today I am a feeler, I walk around life at given moments feeling pain, loneliness, frustartion, and despair of those around me. I am still obsessive compulsive but on given days it changes. One week it's painting the house, the next it's helping others, and the week after that it's quality time for the family. I can be extreme in what I do, but in doing so I absorb it, feel it, learn from it and move on.
Now, how does that make me an unhealthy individual?

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