The Vacuum Guy
There are very few things in life that I truly hate. Hate is a powerful word, and I truly do not hate anyone or anything......but the vacuum Sales Men are the closest I could come to hate.
Yes, they paid a visit the other day. With a promise of a free knife set my husband invited them in.
We watched and listened as he sucked up the dirt from my old carpet into a coffee filter, sucked out the dead skin cells from my pillows, sucked the dust off my television set......Anyway ten filthy coffee filters later my husband was almost convinced.
Though unlike my husband I have been through this before, my own vacuum can dirty coffee filters as well, though I don't go around looking for dirt, or extracting dead skin cells from my mattress just to amuse myself.
So for the sales pitch, he pulled out the dirty filters, explained how unhealthy my home is for raising my children. Telling me that I have created a harmful environment for my children by using a $120.00 vacuum
instead of his healthy home cleaning machine for $2500.00.
Well, I got pissed off, so strolled outside for a moment. As I walked around the driveway, I glanced into the vacuum man's car, this is what I see.
Empty beer bottles in the back seat, the door interior panel gone, chip bags, garbage, and wrappers, pop bottles all over the floor, an over flowing ashtray, and a set of dollar store steak knives on driver seat.
Enough to arm me and my temper.
So when I return to the house I am not gentle with words.
"%^%^%#%$$#Q%^@^*&^&$^%^%#%$@$#@#$"
You can fill in the blanks and in closing I said, Believe it or not but children develop resistance to allergens that they are exposed to.
That is how allergy shots work, so just to insure my children remain strong and healthy I add two tablespoons of dust, and dirt to their morning breakfast cereal everyday. And one can clearly see that you eat a good handful of bullshit everyday to bad I haven't build up my resistance to that. See ya....oh and don't forget my 50cent knives.
Enough Said
Any comments?
There are very few things in life that I truly hate. Hate is a powerful word, and I truly do not hate anyone or anything......but the vacuum Sales Men are the closest I could come to hate.
Yes, they paid a visit the other day. With a promise of a free knife set my husband invited them in.
We watched and listened as he sucked up the dirt from my old carpet into a coffee filter, sucked out the dead skin cells from my pillows, sucked the dust off my television set......Anyway ten filthy coffee filters later my husband was almost convinced.
Though unlike my husband I have been through this before, my own vacuum can dirty coffee filters as well, though I don't go around looking for dirt, or extracting dead skin cells from my mattress just to amuse myself.
So for the sales pitch, he pulled out the dirty filters, explained how unhealthy my home is for raising my children. Telling me that I have created a harmful environment for my children by using a $120.00 vacuum
instead of his healthy home cleaning machine for $2500.00.
Well, I got pissed off, so strolled outside for a moment. As I walked around the driveway, I glanced into the vacuum man's car, this is what I see.
Empty beer bottles in the back seat, the door interior panel gone, chip bags, garbage, and wrappers, pop bottles all over the floor, an over flowing ashtray, and a set of dollar store steak knives on driver seat.
Enough to arm me and my temper.
So when I return to the house I am not gentle with words.
"%^%^%#%$$#Q%^@^*&^&$^%^%#%$@$#@#$"
You can fill in the blanks and in closing I said, Believe it or not but children develop resistance to allergens that they are exposed to.
That is how allergy shots work, so just to insure my children remain strong and healthy I add two tablespoons of dust, and dirt to their morning breakfast cereal everyday. And one can clearly see that you eat a good handful of bullshit everyday to bad I haven't build up my resistance to that. See ya....oh and don't forget my 50cent knives.
Enough Said
Any comments?
5 Comments:
Crystal, you are my hero! I think we all wish we could deal with those !*@#! salesman like you did... absolutely hilarious. I wish I could have seen the guy's face when you told him about putting dirt in your family's food - it must have been classic.
Has your husband learned any lessons about inviting salesmen in? Or does he still think the free steak knives are a fantastic deal? (My brother, he's a great guy, but I think he is maybe a little too trusting. Good thing for him he has you.)
Thanks for the story, it gave me a good laugh. :-)
Pat
(brother-in law, never lets salesmen in the door)
By
Anonymous, at 9:36 AM
Pat,
Thanks for your comment.
Glad it made ya laugh.
By
Unknown, at 9:46 PM
I agree with Pat.
You did great.
I never let people that I do not know in the house. I live in on an acreage outside of the urban area and my husband often works away, so I am particularly wary of strangers knocking at the door.
Thankfully I have two dogs (that have big barks) that make me feel safe.
By
Anonymous, at 1:38 PM
You did so great!! I too have salespeople coming to my door, but my husband has the "don't even open your mouth, I am not buying your shit" policy. Sometimes I don't even know why they came for.
The ones I really hate are Jehova's Wisnesses, and I hope I haven't offended anyone. But you only tell your name once and they stick to you like flies to a glue paper. Next day you're their friend and a week later they bring over their family to party in your backyard. Grrrrrr!
But I should do the same next time. Ask them to crap the shit off and let me live my life in sin.
By
Ririnette, at 6:19 AM
Thank You All
It seems we all have the odd unwelcomed visitors from time to time.
By
Unknown, at 12:30 AM
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